Winning

Spent all morning drinking coffee and reading Scott Pilgrim. Best waste of 6 hours ever.

#MemberThatEpisode Fresh Prince

Little bits where I recall an episode of a dumb TV show. Yall should do some too! Tag it #MemberThatEpisode

I won't post all my tweets..

...just the comic book, dinosaur, ninja or Star Wars ones

I totally need a Lego Red 6

Dude, for the first time ever, Jek "Piggy" Porkins!

My Neighbor Totoro is the greatest Children's Movie Ever.

Totoro by Flying-Fox

Says a guy who still thinks he is a kid.  

My Neighbor Totoro is an animated feature by Hayao Miyazaki. It’s a cute little story of two sisters, Satsuki and Mei, who befriend a Totoro, a nature spirit, and the adventures they have. There are a lot of great children’s movies out there but I’m claiming Totoro is better than all of them (yes, even Monsters, Inc and The Dark Crystal).

The characters are visually striking. Not the humans, they look like people. But the chibi (small) and chu (medium) totoros are adorable. And the Catbus (which looks exactly like what is sounds like) is whimsical and charming and stands on its on. But the giant Totoro blows them all away. Not only did it officially become the mascot and logo for Studio Ghibli but it charmed Pixar enough to give it a cameo in Toy Story 3.

The girls are perfect characterizations of children. Which is hard for grown ups to write. Becoming jaded adults washes out the magic and wonder that children see in this world, and that just doesn’t switch off because you need to write a children’s film. Yet Miyazaki manages to keep the girls acting like children throughout. Like when Mei catches the susuwatari and has to walk down the stairs sideways. Or when she runs through the bushes because she thinks she found the secret lair of the Totoro and bursts through the other side. And the victory dance the girls do when the magic seeds start to go.

There is no violence in this movie. All the conflict comes from facing the unknown. When Mei meets the giant Totoro in his magic glen, she doesn’t run away. She walks up to him and befriends him. And when Mei hears that her sick mom has taken a turn for the worse, she runs off to deliver her mother a healthy ear of corn. Of course, Mei, being the youngest of the two and not even in school yet, gets lost, Satsuki has to step up. She enlists the Totoro who helps her find Mei.

And the ending is happy too. Rumors of Mom’s sudden turn was an over-precaution by the doctors and she’s relatively fine. The mother and father notice the corn placed in her hospital room and marvel how it could have gotten there. While Mei, Satsuki, Totoro and the Catbus knowingly grin from the roof.

It’s cute, whimsical and teaches children to face challenges. My Neighbor Totoro is hands down the best children’s movie ever. 

A big Thank You to Flying-Fox for letting me use the Totoro picture. Its so cute, lets see it again, but bigger.

Man, how rad would this be...

...if this was real instead of me just playing around on Twitter.

Movie Review: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

Sorry, this is not so much as a review as much as gloating that I saw it before you.

I understand if you're jealous

I feel vindicated...

...that America felt the Gerard Butler/ Jessica Biel "romantic" comedy was worthless. Bonus points for Bond getting back on top.

Dinosaur of the Month: Ankylosaurus

I’m a huge dinosaur nerd. Ever since I was a kid, I found those things amazing. Just the sheer size and variety of them overwhelmed my little mind back then. And they still rock my little mind now. Hell, if they made dinosaur pjs in my size, I would rock them.

I drew this for Valentine's Day

Ankylosaurus, is actually the name of the genus, but since it only has once species, A.magniventris, it’s cool to call the dino Ankylosaurus. If you’re on really good terms with him, he will let you call him Ankly.

Ankylosaurus lived during the Cretaceous period, aka the Badass Period, when all the awesomest dinosaurs lived. Velociraptor, Triceratops and the King Boss Ninja Mofo T-Rex also lived during that time.

Ankylosaurus is famous for its armor and its club-like tail and that one nip slip during the Grammys.  It’s armor is made up of bony deposits called Osteoderms. It’s tail is made from fused vertebrae supported by interlocking tail vertebrae. It could be swung with great force and jack an hombre up. Some dipshit thought that the tail was not actively used for defense but instead used a decoy for the head. That guy (or guys) should be wedgied.

A complete Ankylosaurus has never been found and a lot of what we know has been extrapolated from other related dinosaurs. Still, the strange dino has captured the hearts of many, including the fine folks at Toho. They used the breast as imspiration for the heroic Anguirus in the 1955 movie, Godzilla Raids Again.

Marceline and the Scream Queens rekindles my love for the comic book medium.

Adventure Time is probably one of the best cartoons currently running. It is cute, offbeat, and super funny. And its a runaway success for Cartoon Network. It is a merchandizing juggernaut and comic books feature a big part in this cash cow.

I read comic books up until high school. All punks are nerds. We may lie about it but no one seeks out an alternative if they are doing pretty well in the mainstream. Comic books fell off my radar as I ran around being punk. Sort of. Because I devoted a good amount of time reading punk rock comics like Ben Snakepit Snakepit and Mitch Clem's Nothing Nice To Say and Liz Prince's autobiographical comic.

One of the coolest characters in a show dominated by cool characters is Marceline the Vampire Queen. She is a vampire that is not all whiny and mopey and teenaged-angsty like those sparkly vampires. And she plays a battle-ax bass. And she's waaaayyyy cooler than Princess Bubblegum. And that's not just my opinion. She's awesome enough to get her own comic book series.

The TV show uses a bunch of indie comic book artists and the comic books are no different. The Marceline series is written and drawn by Meredith Gran of Octopus Pie. But what alerted me to this series was that Liz Prince did the back up story in issue 3!

Hugs to anyone who noticed that both the backup story and Liz's own comic are Minor Threat references.

I had to get it for my Liz Prince collection. It would be wasteful to not read the main story, so I did and I was hooked. I'm still missing issue one but otherwise. I have all the available issues. And now I have to go back and get the Adventure Time comics as well. Its just like being a kid again, having to collect all the one-offs and team-ups and cross-overs. Only my allowance is bigger now.

If you love the Adventure Time, you definitely need to get the Marceline and the Scream Queens limited run. Its call all the perks of the tv show in a convenient handheld carrying case. Plus comic books don't fill up your dvr. And if that doesn't convince you, I present to you the single greatest panel ever. Featuring a line so perfect, I'm stealing it.

I poop out a romantic comedy.

Last night, I saw a sneak peek of the new Gerard Butler RomCom Playing For Keeps. It was chick porn. Not actual sex, but the same adolescent wish fulfillment that guys experience when watching porn. There is no difference between "He's a hot, bad boy, but he will settle down as soon as he meets the right woman" and "This hot girl will totally fuck me to avoid paying ten bucks for a pizza." {I delivered pizza for five years and this never happens. The closest I got was an almost attractive chick and an ugly chick made out in front of me while some dude tried to pass that off as a tip. Fuck you, dude, that won't pay my student loans.}

Gerard Butler plays the hot bad boy and Jessica Biel plays the girl who's only personality trait is that she's a mom. At one point in the movie, Gerard Butler leaves the kid with a maid so he can go fuck another woman to further his career,  so of course he's a keeper. But Jessica Biel lives with a guy for three years even though she still LOVES Gerard Butler and has no visible means of support, so she's, at best, someone who settles on second best for convenience. At worst, she's a golddigger.

It wasn't all shit. Like all romantic comedies, there's some great supporting characters including an underutilized Randy Quaid, an underutilized Uma Thurman and IqBal Theba who made the best joke in the movie.

In my critique of this movie to my friends, I made the comment "I could poop out a Romantic Comedy in two weeks.'" {Yeah, I said poop. I'm pretty surprised I didn't say shit.} Of Course, that's not true, because I have a full time job. But if I didn't have to work, I could knock one out in in half that. RomComs have so many conventions, that most screenwriting software requires that you just input the names and it will auto-write you one. Anyway, here is a plot synopsis for a romcom that I threw together while jogging and washing dishes.

Merilee {A unique name lets you give a "personality" while keeping her generic enough for the audience to identify with} is a single mother {Single mother is important, because its a cheap form of conflict. Will the guy want to date a women with a kid? Oh no, the tension is killing me} that is the office manager of a small medical practice. The main doctor is a cranky old man and her best friend is a  sassy {possibly fat, maybe Rebel Wilson if we go in this direction. Or gay, if we go gay, I want to cast my Twitter Homie Brad because he's basically doing this character in real life} nurse. Cranky Old Doctor {henceforth referred to as COD} is in the process of retiring and turning the process to a new young doctor from India. On Drug Rep day, {the day that drug companies send attractive people with fancy lunches to "inform" doctors how wonderful their new medication is and the doctors should prescribe this medication to everyone, whether they need it or not} Samantha, the once hot drug rep is introducing the new hot drug rep, Ryan, to the staff. Merilee is smitten and Ryan asks her out. They go to the Trail of Lights {which is an awesome place to take a date and I have yet to see anyone do this in a movie}.

At the trail, Ryan and Merilee runs into an old ex-lover and she and Ryan fight it out and Merilee learns Ryan is a cad {by the way, I'm taking this word back}. She storms off and runs into Rajan, the young Indian doctor. He comforts her with some hot cider {mega-fucking-yum!}. They chat. He tries to explain cricket to her {which is comedy in itself, that game doesn't make any sense! My exhibit A}He invites her to come watch him and some friends play down at the park. Merilee agrees to go and brings Sassy Nurse {SN} to the game. PS. SN probably made some hilariously racist jokes earlier. It's hot out {hey, its Texas, I've spent more Christmases in shorts than in long pants} and the cricketeers take off their shirts, disproving the theory that Indians are all nerds. SN will probably make some sexist remarks after seeing all those hard bodies.

And then I hit a wall. Because people who go to RomComs don't really like foreigners. They can't do change well. They want the same predictable story about the bad boy who settles down with the audience surrogate and a canned speech about "living your life" or "seizing the day" delivered by comic relief.

So this is my compromise. Same Marilee, COD, SN, and Samantha. A less-jerky Ryan is introduced to Merilee. He asks her out. Marilee's kid gets sick and Merilee calls Ryan to cancel. "Oh no," says Ryan, "I really want to see you. I will just come over there."

The way to a woman's heart in RomComs is to play stupid games with their kid, so Ryan plays Pokemon {He knows how because he played growing up. He's a hot nerd!} with Tempest {or whatever shitty name Merilee gives that kid. The kid in Playing For Keeps was named Lewis like it was the 1950's or some shit.}

They fall in love! And try to keep the relationship a secret because its a conflict of interest. But Samantha finds out. She's past her prime attractively and therefore useless as a drug rep. But drug companies can't actually fire her because that would be admitting that drug reps only exist to seduce doctors into proscribing their drugs. So drug companies generally keep giving the oldies shittier and shittier routes until the oldies quit. Samantha leverages herself into Ryan's lucrative route.

All looks bleak until COD gives Merilee a pep talk. Merilee then seizes the day and lives her life. And they catch Samantha sleeping with another doctor. Samantha quits in shame and Ryan gets an even better route and Merilee becomes a stay at home mom.

Koalas

My love for koalas started pretty benign. I was bored at work and they are easy to doodle.

I started drawing them in race cars and playing tennis and giving them to all my coworkers. One year, I made everyone Koala Valentines.

My punk rock fanzine needed a new name. For a while, my zine was called Hobo Koala.

photo credit: Twelve12pm

That inspired the name of my production company, The Hobo Koala Media Empire. The cute little hobo koala was my profile picture for the Empire's Google+ page until I put my beautiful face up instead.

Koalas were the mascot of my tattoo fanzine, Tattoos I have Met and Loved. This is from the inside front cover above the credits.

I formed a Twitter for the tattoo fanzine, tweeting for a while under the @Tattoo_Koala. But when I stopped the zine, I stopped the Twitter. 

I really started getting into Twitter with my account from my show, @mattmanic. There is a Twitter joke format called the Spirit Animal (or Petronus for the more Harry Potter-inclined). My entry was, "My Spirit Animal is the koala, because I sleep 19 hours a day and girls want to cuddle me."

That was not my only koala reference in my tweets. I would frequently use them to emphasize my huggability or when begging my Australian followers to mail me one.  

I love koalas. And I flipped out yesterday when this followed me: